Hail to the Cafe.

In recent blog entries, Rich and Steve Tilley both eulogised Cafe Create, and wrote about how much they had enjoyed taking part and helping to organise it. After having thoroughly enjoyed last night's Create, I'd like to give the event a similarly glowing reference.

Performing in front of people is something that's very hard to get into. If you want to learn to play the guitar, then buy (or lend) one, get yourself a book (or DVD) and have a go, in the privacy of your own home. If you want to get into football, or martial ars, or dancing, or story-writing, or a whole host of other things, you can usually find some kind of beginners class or introductory course which will allow you to explore and get a 'feel' for it in a friendly, non-judgemental environment.

However, if you fancy having a go at engaging an audience, at standing up in front of a crowd of people and either entertaining them or holding their attention, opportunities to do so can be very thin on the ground. The general consensus is that if you want to stand up and command the undivided attention of a large group, you'd better have something worthwhile - or funny - to say. Someone wanting to explore a potential gift or talent in this area will always have difficulty finding an audience that is sympathetic, generous in its response, and willing to forgive novice mistakes.

This is where Create comes into it's element. I've seen some great acts there, and some not so great ones, but the quality of the act is not really what it's about. Everyone and anyone is encouraged to have a go at, well, whatever they fancy having a go at. Last night there was a stand-up comedy routine: the chap who did it was seriously brave for having a go, and he did have some genuinely funny gags. Overall, I'd say the standard of his act was round about 7 out of 10, but nobody was remotely concerned about occasional lapses in comic timing, or the odd punchline which didn't quite hit the mark. Everyone appreciated the fact that he'd had a go, gave him a warm response, and really enjoyed the performance.

Having an event like this, in which people can perform and feel 'safe', makes for a great social occasion and is also of spiritual benefit, I think. If your act is average, no-one's going to criticise you and good on you for having a go, but if it's seriously good (and they often are) then it might give you the confidence to pursue and develop the talent. You might uncover a gift for stand-up, or poetry reading, or acting, or just for public speaking. The Church is always going to benefit from knowing about people who can engage an audience, and I bet that Cafe Create has uncovered a few spiritual gifts in its time.

The next one is towards the end of March (forget what date exactly) so if you can, come along, and better still, get yourself on stage. You'll not find a better place in which to have a go!

Mingin'!

One of the guests on Andrew Marr's 'Sunday AM' programme this morning was Sir Ming Campbell, leader of the Lib Dems.

Marr asked a question that went something like this:

"Having been very critical of the Labour government over the Iraq war, and publicly attacked them for sleaze, corruption and authoritarianism, there is presumably no chance of your party making any kind of coalition with them after the next election?"

Sir Ming's answer?

"We want maximum votes, maximum seats and maximum power. We have already started drafting our Referendum. When the election comes, we'll be ready."

Come on, Ming! You can avoid a question better than that!

Oh Goody!

Political correctness and reality television (unless it's The Apprentice) are two things not at all close to my heart, but this week they have joined forces to give me some encouragement about the way the world is going.

The allegations of racist bullying on Celebrity Big Brother have dominated the headlines recently. I haven't watched more than 30 seconds of the show, and so can't give any kind of opinion on whether or not Jade Goody has a genuinely xenophobic dislike of her fellow house-mate Shilpa Shetty, or whether she's just an ignorant twit. Regardless of motives and prejudice, however, I think that the CONSEQUENCES of the whole affair are really quite pleasing. Jade's eviction last night was not attended by a live audience. The media and the public, in large numbers, have turned against her, and she is quite likely to be a taboo subject for the gossip mags and tabloid papers which have previously helped her milk the celebrity band-wagon.

Call me vitriolic or scathing, but this makes me happy. The likes of Jade Goody, Abi Titmuss and James Hewitt have sullied and cheapened the word 'celebrity' to an unbelievable extent. They have become famous either for who they know, or the extent of their ignorance, or the size of their breasts. They have nothing remotely interesting to say, have achieved very little, and are often not very nice people (it seems certain that Shetty HAS been bullied on the programme, whether for racial reasons or not). Jade Goody's fall from grace, and her banishment from the world of C-list fame, may be the beginning of the end for our fame obsessed culture. Hopefully, people will start to realise that these 'celebrities' really have nothing to contribute, and the word itself will actually become meaningful again. And that would be one less thing that's wrong with the world.

Beckham inc.

Check out 'Beckham - the Stateside reaction' to read some insightful, and some typically American reactions to young David's transfer to LA Galaxy.

On the whole, I'm a fan of Becks. There are several reasons for him to be an idiot: he and Posh are international A-listers; (right up there with Tom and Katie, Brad and Angelina and Chris and Gwyneth) he is fantastically wealthy; and has had a very successful career in the world's biggest sport. Despite all this, however, he seems (and is widely reputed) to be a very decent, well-grounded and down-to-earth individual, who is genuinely committed to his family and loyal to his friends.

I don't quite buy the claim that he is going to LA for purely footballing reasons, though: the boy has obviously just got stars in his eyes. When he signed for Real Madrid in 2003 they were known as FC Hollywood, due to their abundance of footballing superstars. Four years down the line, and David is swapping Real Hollywood for the real Hollywood. He has said in the past that after retiring from football, he would like to get into movie acting. Where better to be based? He and Victoria count Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes as close friends, and it won't be long before they are sharing front-cover space with them on all the US tabloids and gossip mags. Posh and Becks know this, and I bet they can't wait.

Beckham will, I'm sure, give everything he's got on the field of play: football was his first love, and it was as a top class player that he first came to international fame. Over the years, however, his love of the celebrity limelight has become more and more significant, and this latest transfer suggests that it has overtaken footballing success as his main motivation. The move to Madrid, despite all the glitz and glamour, at least made professional sense - he was being courted by arguably the best team in he world. LA Galaxy, as a football squad, cannot even begin to compare, and Major League Soccer is hardly the right environment for anyone interested in retaining their status as a world-class player. Beckham knows that the chances of him winning back his England place will be very slim if he leaves the big European leagues.

Good luck to him, I say. He has been a super player and a gentleman. He's not going to be the former for very much longer, but I do sincerely hope that, amongst the pouters and prima-donnas of LA, he can continue to be the latter.

The worst thing that could have happened...

So that's it then. 17 months after a thrilling Test-series victory which gripped the nation, our boys have been given an almighty mauling by the Aussies, and become the first side since 1921 to suffer an Ashes white-wash. Shane Warne can retire in peace.

It would seem illogical that England could fall so far from the glory of September 2005 in such a short space of time, especially when you consider that their personnel has remained largely unchanged. It should perhaps not surprise us too much, though, as this does seem to be a very English phenomenon: namely, the inability to cope with success.

We have certainly seen it before. Take our Rugby Union team. In 2003, they couldn't lose. Ever since, and throughout 2006 in particular, they have found it very difficult to win. Injuries and retirements have not helped the cause, but these things happen all the time and are part of the natural process for any team: England have used them as a convenient excuse. Clive Woodward built a side who simply refused to accept defeat, and victory at the World Cup seemed almost inevitable. From the moment that Jonny Wilkinson kicked his winning goal, however, that aura of invincibility has slowly but surely been laid to waste. England's performances in the last six months have been dreadful, and the label of world champions has become an embarassment.

There have been other, less conspicuous examples in recent years. Jonathan Edwards was so far ahead of the rest of the triple-jumping world in 1995 that he seemed to be some kind of Superman, at least equally as dominant as Michael Johnson was in the 200m and 400m. Over the course of the following four years, however, he failed to win any major international titles. Now, whatever psychological demons Edwards was battling, he eventually managed to get the upper-hand, because he won the Olympic title in 2000 and the world title in 2001, and is rightly considered to be one of our greatest ever athletes. From 1996-99, however, something was clearly not right.

Sporting excellence is quite rare in this country, and it would seem that many of our top competitors find success, on the rare occasions that they achieve it, difficult to cope with. I remember reading Linford Christie's autobiography, in which he wrote that getting to the top is hard, but staying there is even harder. One of the things that really sets apart the likes of Michael Johnson, Tiger Woods, Roger Federer and Man United FC is their ability to sustain the hunger and determination over many years, regardless of how much success comes their way. Can you imagine Federer winning Wimbledon one year, then going out in the 2nd round to Tim Henman the next?

For many, the sporting Holy Grail is victory in the football World Cup. Maybe, though, the best thing for England would be to NOT win the competition. Maybe a never-ending sequence of quarter-final and semi-final eliminations is the only way to keep the players motivated. If Rooney, Gerrard, Lampard and company follow the example of our cricket and rugby union teams, then they may well win the World Cup. In the months and years that follow, though, it might end up being another case of ashes to ashes.

Many thanks to sibling Anna, who has forced my thinking cap on by 'tagging' me, and obliging me to come up with five interesting facts about myself. Here goes;

1. Although almost always polite and well-spoken around other people, my language, when I am alone, can be quite shockingly obscene. Outbursts tend to occur when I am either driving, or using technology which is not doing what I want it to! Not something I am very proud of.

2. Whilst being observed by the Deputy Head last year, I got into an argument with the children in my class about whether it was appropriate to talk about 'breasts' or 'boobies'. What exactly came over me I don't know. Even the five year olds could see I was digging myself a hole!

3. In Year 10, I once locked myself in a props cupboard at school (inadvertently) and was stuck in there for about two hours. I tried climbing through the tiny manhole-size window in the roof, and picking the lock with a zip, before eventually hitting on a successful method of freeing myself; banging on the door and shouting for about 15 minutes before a teacher came and let me out.

4. My first encounter with alcohol was a rather intense one. During an orchestra tour to Catalonia at the age of 16, an older lad recommended that I try tequilla. I dutifully asked for one at the bar. Having never heard of tequilla, and having no idea how strong it was, it didn't strike me as being at all odd that the barman gave me half a pint of the stuff. The first sip was foul, but not wanting to appear soft, I drank the lot - then did the same thing with a couple of Baileys. As Burley would say - wicked!

5. On a rather more sombre note (apologies!) whilst living in Middlesbrough I was attacked on the street twice in the space of four months. Once outside school by about ten lads, and once on the way into town. Delightful place!

Right, who to tag. Problem is, most bloggers I know have already been done, so I'm going to be rebellious and only tag two. I'll go for;

• Martin
• Caroline
  

Anti-resolutions

In previous years, I have been all caught-up in the 'new lease of life' spirit and set myself some New Years' Resolutions. With age, however, comes cynicism. I now know that these resolutions are likely to last until about mid-afternoon on January 3rd, by which time my self-discipline will have cracked and I'll be doing the exact things that I had resolved not to. With this in mind, I have decided to formulate 5 'anti-resolutions'. If I can keep these up for a few days, then lose all willpower and ignore them for the rest of the year, then 2007 will indeed be healthy, happy and prosperous.

1. Eat five portions of fish and chips each day, with extra grease and germs on a Friday.

2. Ignore my family and friends.

3. Try to make at least one child cry every day.

4. Rake up as much personal debt as possible, then give the nice people at Ocean Finance a call to see what they can do to help.

5. Instead of the desired six-pack, endeavour to have obtained a generously proportioned 'mono-pack' by October.


I know I can do it this year!!